Sunday, October 7, 2012

My Aunt Verna

My Aunt Verna passed away Friday, she rejoined her sweet husband Jay, and I rejoice with the hope and belief that life is eternal and families are forever.  The sweet peace of this brings comfort to all those who love her or at least I hope they feel it and let it sweep into their hearts.  Just under a year ago I went home to Idaho for Thanksgiving.  It had been 3 years since I had been to Idaho, while I was there I said my hellos and goodbyes to Uncle Bob and Aunt Verna.  Just the way things were for them, I felt strongly it would be the last time I would see either of them on this beautiful earth.  And thus it was so.

Aunt Verna was my mom's oldest sibling and very much a part of my family's life while I was growing up.  I am not sure I had ever mentioned to anyone but I was always delighted when mom would share" we are going to Idaho Falls today and we will be stopping by Verna's and Jay's."  I loved going to their home.

Just to describe its physical appearance, it was simple but clean and neat on the outside - a one story brick home with a one car garage.  You went up a few steps to the front door and entered right into the living room.  The living room had a fireplace on the west side and right in front of the window was a humungous birds nest fern, that fern will always be a memory of mine, it always overwhelmed me by the size; the only other person I have seen grow a plant almost that huge would be my brother Curtis.  From the living room you walked into the dining room, the table was always clear except at meal time than it was neatly set with dishes.  The kitchen was to the west with a "bar" to sit at for breakfast eating, or lunch - we had a bar at our home but for some reason it seemed way more fun at Aunt Verna's. A little later in their life, a sun room was added where you could overlook the amazingly lovely vegetable garden, often the sun room was where we started to gather to visit in.  The hallway to the bedrooms was in between the dining room and living room, three simple rooms but clean, neat rooms.  The bathroom was fun, there was a wall that had glass "bricks", I thought they were so cool. - they were on the wall between the two bathrooms, the family bathroom and the master bathroom.  For some reason that slight "openness" never bothered me.  The stairs leading downstairs were right off the front door, you went straight down and than turned west a few more stairs, for some reason that was the most awesome stairway - it probably was because I did not know any other stairways with a turn in the middle of them.  Downstairs was wide open, a large room where many could gather; we celebrated Christmas parties there occasionally and my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary.  Downstairs was the game room and held cousin Alan's drum set, we would go there to play or watch TV while the grownups visited upstairs in the living room. The backyard was pretty much a simple basic rectangle but there was always a vegetable garden and in the summer, we would go outside and pick a tomato or some lettuce or some other vegetable or dig up a potato or two to eat with a meal there or take home for later. Their home was just a delight to be in. I truly appreciated the order, cleanliness and simplistic of it.

I am not sure that is the only reason or even the reason I enjoyed visiting at Aunt Verna's.  One thought is I always felt so grown up when we went there.  Yes, there was many the time Katherine and I would just run downstairs to play, but it seemed most often we stayed upstairs with the grown ups and enjoy the talking.  I am not sure I even ever contributed to the visiting but it was as we were part of it and were never too young to not hear what was being shared.  Aunt Verna had a voice of gentleness but sophistication about her, it was just the way she spoke.  If she was sharing a recipe or idea, you understood it - she always took the time to explain right down to the detail.  I recognize now that I am a detail person and that may have been why I so enjoyed listening to her talk.  But her voice is something I will always remember, it was even still there as she aged and became less able, but that clear gentle sophisticated voice always came from her mouth.

I mention her sharing recipes because I will always think of Aunt Verna being a cook.  If we showed up a lunch time she would prepare something for us to eat.  I envision a simple meal of soup and crackers at her home but it was served with care and love; simple but elegant. I remember some "fancy" jello dish with carrots and whipped topping - it felt like such a treat.  She made a delicious stew; in my early married years I traveled with my mom and children and stayed at Aunt Verna and Uncle Jay's time share in Island Park, Idaho - I remember her making her stew one afternoon.  There was so much involvement it seemed it took her all day to cook it it.  But it really was just the care she took to prepare and serve, probably with fresh bread too.  If asked by my mom on our drive to Idaho Falls, if I wanted to eat lunch out at a restaurant or Aunt Verna's, my inevitable Aunt Verna's was chosen.  It felt "fancy" to eat at Aunt Verna's. Cooking was a constant part of her life, or at least a constant part of my memory of her.

Dear Aunt Verna,

I love you, I miss you, I thank you, I aspire to honor your memory and grace.

Love,
Your niece Ellen






Thursday, October 4, 2012

Thoughts on Being a Good Human



"With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations."
Abraham Lincoln 
Inward Work of Democracy

"Of course, tolerance is right at the heart of many religions, and tolerance does not mean agreeing with people. Sometimes it's a mistake, we believe that the tolerant person learns to agree or to see the other person's point of view. No, what tolerance really means is even though you don't get what the other person's saying at all, even though you may not even like them, you make an effort to tolerate, in other words, to make space for them and don't try and squash their opinions. What we need to learn is how can we live together with people whose views we don't actually like very much? That's the far greater challenge, without attempting to convert them or dismissing them and denying their, you know, right to exist parallel to us."
Alain de Botton
School of Life for Atheists

"To be true to your faith and a blessing to others regardless of their faith."

"The greatest single antidote to violence is conversation, speaking our fears, listening to the fears of others, and in that sharing of vulnerabilities, discovering a genesis of hope."

"We shed a tear because, for a moment, we allow ourselves to think of the victims of our victories, the pain of the other side, who were enslaving us, but they were still human and they were still suffering. It's when you can feel your opponent's pain that you're beginning the path that leads to reconciliation."

"The highest form of leadership is empowering others to lead."
Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks  
The Dignity of Difference

"Although I was a bishop, I was working now for the Southern Council of Churches and had a small parish in Soweto. Most of my parishioners were domestic workers, not people who were very well educated. But I would say to them, "You know, mama, when they ask, 'Who are you?'"— you see, the white employer most frequently didn't use the person's name. They said the person's name was too difficult. And so most Africans, women would be called "Annie" and most black men really, you were "boy." And I would say to them, "When they ask, 'Who are you?' you say, 'Me? I'm a God-carrier. I'm God's partner. I'm created in the image of God.'" And you could see those dear old ladies as they walked out of church on that occasion as if they were on cloud nine. You know, they walked with their backs slightly straighter. And, yeah, it was amazing."
Desmond Tutus
God of Surprises

Each of these thoughts makes me want to see my neighbor, friend, family, and the person walking down the street or across the world better and treat them so.