Seed, Pods, and Life Continues

I am a little late with this post because I truly was thinking about it Wednesday, Nov. 7, when many facebook posts stated "their life was over" or "the world will end now" and as that invaded my mind, I started to notice a seed pod here and there on the plants and than another one and another one.  So many seeds and seed pods, so many plants of the fields sending out their means of continuing their life.  Life continues and we continue, even as the trees and flowers and plants are preparing for their winter slumber or even some for their demise, they sent out a hope of continuation of themselves.  Hope should always be there, hope never fails us.   As Marilla shared with Anne ever so gracefully "To despair is to turn your back on God" - (L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables). Hope is turning your face to God.
Each seed or pod contains another life that will burst forth.  We are seeds, we are potential, we are God's hope, He has everything waiting for us.



Genesis 1:11-12
"And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.

"And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind and God saw that is was good."

Gains, Gifts, Insights

You know that saying "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it."  On my morning walk I realized it has come true for me.  A few months back I was thinking, wishing, praying to be more giving and now I have that blessing.  I get to be more giving and caring for my mom.  I don't believe Heavenly Father gave my mom leukemia to make my prayer come true, I think He was preparing my heart for the time when I needed to really put it into action.

Mom starts her 2nd round of chemo today, they are everyday for a week.  I was really hoping the appointments would be later so I could still enjoy my morning walks.  Well, I got the schedule and every appointment is after 2 or later, like 4.  Yes, that means we come home in traffic but I STILL get to go on my morning walks. (Bonus - we get to use the carpool lanes and we are zipping by most of the cars for a good 1/3 or more of the drive)  I love my walks, they are a time of phone calls to family and friends, peaceful reflection, listening to podcasts, and just the right exercise I need.

Tuesday, mom had another blood transfusion and it has given her a burst of energy.  I love it because she wants to and is able to do some of the good old regular things for herself.  She was calling away on her phone to do a lot of her change of addresses, reading books again, folding her own laundry, etc.  Each one of those activities had been on hold for a couple of weeks because of the weariness she had been feeling but to take those on again allows me a joy to see her "working" and "being busy", while I am also able to find time to do some of the things I had been putting on hold.  Does that sound selfish?  I hope not, I think it is good for her to feel productive and yes for me to feel it too.

Mom doesn't get to go outside much anymore and I know the garden is one of her favorite things.  To make it feel more outdoorsy I decided to buy a bouquet of flowers as often as needed.  Bonus for me because I get to enjoy the flowers indoors too and have always thought if I have the money I am going to have fresh flowers all the time in my home.  The decision to budget for this right now is a good thing. 

Not a sniffle or ache anywhere; so far I have been healthy.  Really healthy.  I know this is a blessing and gift because I can't be sick and help mom.  I can't be sick because I could give her my infection.  I keep thanking my Heavenly Father everyday I am feeling healthy and keep praying that it will continue.

I have the best family in the world.  Craig just jumps in and does things that I had been regularly doing around the house, he just notices them and takes care of them.  Anthony and Jana and Aimee are available to talk to and just share with them.  It is so wonderful to feel this love and support.  I know a lot of prayers have been said on our behalf and I can feel their strength, support, and blessings.

All this is really good. REALLY GOOD!

My mom has leukemia

I saw this on Facebook, "Don' t let your struggles become your identity."  That reads easier than it is.  My mom was diagnosed with leukemia less than one month ago but it seems or I have let it become my life.  Aimee even mentioned yesterday that I said our home health care nurse, and she reminded me that it was grandma' s nurse not mine. My response it seems like we are one and the same sometimes.  I imagine that is why a simple walk yesterday that used to be my life was wonderful AND mopping the floor, a task that may seem mundane but it represented my life before Dec. 14.

How to reconcile who I am, who mom is, and her cancer and that it is just something we have to do, deal with, and, yes, it is a part of us but it is not us.  She had been in the hospital for 3 weeks, daily traveling and visits almost consumed me. Relief came with moving her from Idaho to San Diego and I could go to my own home, sleep in my own bed, and feel loving support from Craig.  More support was welcomed when Anthony, Jana, and Zoe came; beautiful, beautiful support! But a different experience this year compared to last year.  A small Christmas celebration and just a few simple quiet moments at home, although we did get a visit to the beach.  We have to do that, it is tradition and traditions are more important than imagined.  They build, develop, and strengthen you and life and memories.  Traditions are an essential part of building your identity; good, loving traditions.

 More relief and a moment of normalcy came when Katherine and family came.  Katherine stayed with mom at the hospital while I played an afternoon away at the San Diego Zoo with her family.  I loved seeing the animals, and delighted in seeing the lions and reindeer in particular.  A simple thing but it was aside from where I had been and will be again.  But a triple bonus came when Katherine and Desi stay at my home for 3 days and held down the fort, taking care of our mom at the hospital, and taking care of Marta, our lovely Italian foreign exchange student, and friend.  Craig and I traveled to freezing Utah for our niece, Lecia' s sealing to Justin.  How lovely it was to be in the temple, watching another eternal family being created and watching it be bound to our big eternal family. The beautiful celebration and amazing love and support from all our Garrett family.  This family is all a part of me, who I am, what I know, and feel and believe.  Being a part of family is a great worth, and me.  I know they all understand and our patient with me but I desire to be aware of them too, be with them too, share, laugh, chat with them too.  They are me too.

The first thing that is often spoken to me is "how is you mom?"  I share, maybe too much. But what do you really say, what do people really want to hear.  How my mom is, is that how I am?  Perhaps it tells a little about me, how I am doing, coping and bearing up.  But I need to learn it is not me, it is just the moment.  It may be what  I am doing in my life now, but memo to self it is not me.

We travel 3 times a week to Moore's Cancer Infusion Center for blood testing, visit once a week with her care provider, mom receives transfusions of blood and or platelets sometimes, she has home health care providers checking on her, giving a bath, and physical therapy twice a week. She was receiving an iv of antibiotics 3 times a day administered by me, that ended last night. And some days we actually have nothing to do.  This is what we do, but this is not me or her.

My mom is a beautiful person, she is an amazing teacher, she is a homemaker, she is a terrific, dedicated gardener, great mother, grandmother, and great- grandmother to her bloodline children and to friends' and neighbors' children and to nephews' and nieces' children. Mom is an admirer of ocean waves, napkin user, and Kleenex hoarder. She is a adventurer.  She is a daughter of our Heavenly Father who loves her and she desires to be with Him again.  She is a seamstress, cook  and conveyor of skills and talents.  She is a farm girl and world traveler.  She is a conscientious person of self, a shopper, and a saver. She is a reader of books and magazines.  She is a giver of love.

I am a wife, mother, grandmother, and daughter.  I am a caregiver, hiker, and traveler.  I am a teacher, letter writer, and cook.  I am a blogger, facebooker and pinterest follower.  I am a seamstress and lover of photography.  I am a reader and a walker.  I am a changeling and learner.  I am a testifier and encourager.

But we are not our challenges, we are not despair, we are hope.