Sweeping the path

February 24, 2014

This marvelous, amazing, and beautiful machine called our body.

Every Sunday, there is a class at church just for young women aged 12 to 18.  I teach this class occasionally, it is one of my favorite things to do.  Truly.  For the reasons of I love the young women, I love to teach, I love studying gospel subjects, I love being with and learning from the young women.

Guidance is given about what gospel subject to teach and suggestions of how.  Each month even there is a theme.  For February the theme was The Plan of Salvation, sometimes know as The Plan of Happiness - in other words, why we are on this earth, what will happen to us next, and how to make the best of our time here on this earth.

The monthly theme is broken down into subtopics and one of those was about "our body is a temple of God".

"Know ye not that ye are a temple of God" 1 Corinthians 3:16

This, this was the gospel subject I taught on Sunday. If you can imagine, our bodies and how they work, heal, and grow has been something dwelling in my mind and heart for several weeks and months now.  I was very excited to teach this lesson.  I really wanted to focus on how wonderful our bodies are, how important the body is for our eternal growth, and how amazing and beautiful our bodies are.

I studied, pondered, prayed, read, studied, pondered, and prayed some more. Finally it came time to organize my thoughts (hopefully, I believe they were directed from my Heavenly Father under the guidance of His Holy Spirit) in preparation for the lesson.  Just so you know what really makes the lesson work is sharing, trusting, and receiving thoughts from the young women. Without their words and sweet spirit it means nothing, and they were amazing and inspiring. 

I am sharing here some of the quotes/thoughts that I had the young women ponder and respond to during the class with you.  They are quotes from prophets and apostles of these latter-days along with a scripture or two from the Holy Bible.  Plus a video, newspaper article, and youtube song (the song is corny but a fun reminder of this amazing gift of our body from God)

Yes, there are several links to follow if you want.  I couldn't pick just one.

First the song, it is from a play about coming to earth written years and years ago.  The song is called "everybody ought to have a body".  Enjoy the silly, funness of it.

The Prophet Joseph Smith taught with great clarity about the importance of our physical bodies:

“We came to this earth that we might have a body and present it pure before God in the celestial kingdom. The great principle of happiness consists in having a body."

Elder David A. Bednar stated:
"Obtaining a tabernacle of flesh is an essential step in the process of becoming like our Heavenly Father. Our physical bodies make possible a breadth, depth, and intensity of experience that simply could not be obtained in our premortal estate. As President Boyd K. Packer, Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, has taught, “Our physical body is the instrument of our spirit” (Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled [1991], 211). Thus, our relationships with other people, our capacity to recognize and respond to truth, and our ability to obey the principles and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ are amplified through our physical bodies. In this classroom of mortality we experience tenderness, kindness, happiness, sorrow, disappointment, pain, and even the challenges of physical limitations in ways that prepare us for eternity. Simply stated, there are lessons we must learn and experiences we must have, as the scriptures describe, “according to the flesh” "

Our bodies allow us to do amazing things and we can let the Lord direct our path about some of those amazing things we should do with our life and our body.  Nicole Pikus-Pace won the silver medal for the skeleton in the 2014 Sochi Olympics.  Please note her statement of her participation in this sport was "because she felt it was the path God wanted her to walk".  Hopefully you have time to read the whole article because this is a woman who has chosen a path to do something fantastic with this God given gift of a body. But if you don't please accept this additional statement from Nicole:
"My faith in what we’re doing and our purpose isn’t surrounded by a color of a medal. ... That isn’t what it’s about. The journey that we’ve had, the people we’ve been able to share this experience with, and the smiles and lives we’ve been able to touch made it all worth it.”

Nicole Pikus-Pace reflects on God's path for her

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."  Genesis 1:27

God loved us so much He wanted us to be as happy as He is and He knew the only way to do that is to give us a body, so He did.  Our bodies are created like His body, but ours are imperfect and His is perfect but we are learning to care for our bodies so they can be perfect like His.

This video explaining about the importance of physical health shows that a little bit.

Our bodies are so marvelous and a gift from God to get us back to be with Him and like Him.  But again they aren't perfect and we get sick, we get hurt, we are born with infirmities, but that doesn't make our bodies any less marvelous.

Elder Russell M. Nelson shared a beautiful statement about this:
"My professional years as a medical doctor gave me a profound respect for the human body. Created by God as a gift to you, it is absolutely amazing! Think of your eyes that see, ears that hear, and fingers that feel all the wondrous things around you. Your brain lets you learn, think, and reason. Your heart pumps tirelessly day and night, almost without your awareness. Your body protects itself. Pain comes as a warning that something is wrong and needs attention. Infectious illnesses strike from time to time, and when they do, antibodies are formed that increase your resistance to subsequent infection.
Your body repairs itself. Cuts and bruises heal. Broken bones can become strong once again. I have cited but a tiny sample of the many amazing God-given qualities of your body.
Even so, it seems that in every family, if not in every person, some physical conditions exist that require special care. A pattern for coping with such a challenge has been given by the Lord. He said, “I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; … for if they humble themselves … and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”
Stellar spirits are often housed in imperfect bodies."

Our bodies are amazing and imperfect but they can do so much and they are beautiful, each and every one of them.

I am so thankful for the amazing path I am on as my body continues to heal and grow stronger each day.  I am caring for it and strengthening it too.  I thank you for your continued encouragement, prayers, and help.

The dusty path home

February 18, 2014

It has been 4 weeks since I had my surgery and I am getting along quite well.  I have my days when my "belly" feels a bit on the sore side.  Interesting enough it is mostly sore inside (I guess that healing through all that belly flubber). I can see why my doctor said 6 weeks recovery and the prescribed down time is 6 weeks.  Although I am doing well, amazing well I believe, I am still healing.

This post is mostly about my 2 days after surgery and my hospital recovery experience.  It may be too blunt in some places but I wanted to write while I could still remember somethings.  I recognize everyone's recovery and experience is unique to them but I know I have learned from others and maybe this post will be helpful to someone besides myself.

I stayed in the hospital for 2 1/2 days from beginning to end, mostly sleeping.  Craig stayed with me the whole first day, then he came to visit me Tuesday morning before work (5 am) and for a few hours after work. He was concerned that he should have been with me the whole time but truly I slept a good part of the day.  He was also concerned about waking me up at 5 am but I was already awake because of the regular hourly rounds of the nurses and CNAs.  I know it is their job; but does my blood pressure, temperature, oxygen level really need to be monitored that often and especially at night.  

Dr. Kris Ghosh (Dr. Sue Ghosh's brother - they are a team) came to visit me my first morning.  He immediately took the oxygen tube off and stated "that just dries out your nose and is not needed", especially in my case because my oxygen level was really good the whole time.  He also ordered the caterer removed which is good because my nurse said leaving those in too long can cause urinary tract infections.  Taking care of my own needs wasn't a problem except dragging the IV into the bathroom every time and for some reason the bathroom had no heat and was freezing as far as I was concerned where in my room was just about right.

My food was a liquid diet, mostly juice and broths. I advanced quickly to pureed fruits (think baby food for grownups) and pudding cups (probably my favorite).  I had pureed chicken noodle soup for lunch which wasn't too bad but the pureed leek soup for dinner had a lot to be desired with flavor.  Milk, even chocolate milk was okay and ice cream was allowed.  But what I mostly ate was the yogurt - for about the first time in my life my appetite was low; which truly is usually for me.  Wednesday prune juice was added to the diet to get my system moving - that is the ticket home; feeling good and a moving system otherwise you stay longer.

Beautiful flowers were delivered to my room Tuesday from my sweet sweet mother-in-law, Norine.  They added just the right amount of cheer.  The rooms at Loma Linda Medical Center are all private, which is really a nice benefit.  There is no worry about privacy or noise.  I also had my second visit from another chaplain that afternoon.  She was concerned about my surgery and thought I was younger than I was so when I told her it all went well and I was already well past menopause she was glad for me.  She asked if we could join in prayer together and what would I like to have her pray for at this moment.  We decided that a prayer of gratitude was in order.

When Craig came Tuesday evening, we went for 2 whole walks around my hospital floor.  I leaned on my IV pole like a walker each time.  Craig wondered if it would be easier for me if he pulled the IV pole along but it was my strength in holding me up.  Who knew that I would go from walking 4 to 5 miles daily in about 1 to 1 1/2 hours without a problem that a 5 minute walk around 1 wing of a hospital floor would wear me out.  On Wednesday, I was feeling better and took myself on 4 walks throughout the day just to get myself stronger and moving.

Dr. Sue Ghosh came in around 3 Wednesday afternoon and asked if I felt ready to go home and I was ready, that is.  I thought I am just resting and I can do that at home, probably even rest better at home because there will not be anyone waking me up but myself.  She said there wasn't any reason for me to stay, approved my release, and wrote 3 prescriptions for me to fill - 2 pain medications and 1 stool softener.  The pain medications were to use as needed.  I could take 1 every 4 to 6 hours and the other in-between every 4 hours.  Some how I lucked out because I really only needed it at night and through that first Sunday.  My first Saturday home, I guess I was feeling too good because I did a lot of moving around the house (no work because I was restricted on that) but that night I was so tired and hurting.  I awoke at 2 am for another dose of pain medicine and I believe I slept almost all of Sunday.  Dr. Ghosh also told me my restrictions for 6 weeks; no sex, no driving, no vacuuming, no lifting over 10 pounds, no excessive labor, and no work.  What she did tell me I could do was eat anything I wanted once my bodily functions were moving, all the walking I wanted, shower as normal, and plenty of rest. 

I contacted Craig and he left work right after a meeting and picked me up around 4.  When he arrived at the hospital, I still needed my paperwork done and my IV removed. That took only a few moments.  I knew he was coming and had gotten myself dressed as best I could.  I say as best I could because all that meant was underwear, pajama pants (my clothing of choice for about 2 weeks), a t shirt, and sweat jacket.  That sounds like a lot, but there was no pants or bra going on my body.  I couldn't do the shoes until someone came to help me, which Craig did.  When you leave the hospital, it doesn't matter how well you feel, you will still be taken out in a wheelchair, it is the policy.  Sometimes you have to wait for someone to be available to take you down to the entrance but my CNA was ready as soon as I was.  One of the things I made sure of before going home was a dose of pain medicine, I remembered my boss at work telling me when he took his wife home after her hysterectomy she thought he hit every bump and it was painful, I was trying to avoid that experience.

 

The ride was not too bad, it even loosen up the gas and bowels a bit so that was helpful (I know TMI - but maybe someone besides me might benefit from the information, maybe?).  When we arrived in Fallbrook we did two things right away before going home. We went to CVS Pharmacy to have my prescriptions filled - Craig ended up just dropping them off and going back in an hour - there was a bit of a line. And we went through the KFC drive thru and I got mashed potatoes and gravy.  At that moment those mashed potatoes and gravy were the best thing ever and just the right amount of food.  I think I had yogurt the next day for breakfast along with juice.  I believe for the first time in my life I actually lost my appetite while I was "sick" and lost weight, but don't worry I have gained it all back.

The next few days were uneventful, Craig worked from home and I slept or read.  In the past 4 weeks I have read or finished 4 books plus lots of magazines.  The time to read has been extremely enjoyable and a blessing.  It has reminded me how good it feels to read.  There were 2 sweet sisters from church that brought us dinner for Saturday and Sunday.  It was so very thoughtful, they chose to bring us dinner without any requests. They brought enough food that we were able to eat the delicious meals for a few extra days.

My sister, Katherine, came and stayed with us Sunday through Wednesday and it was so nice to have her help and company.  She prepared us meals, cleaned the house, and sorted box after box of our mom's stuff.  Katherine would bring one box in and set it on the table and I would unpack it.  We made several piles of the items - give away to thrift stores, throw away, give to family, keep for ourselves, or keep to determine later.  It was so helpful to have her here for that sorting.  Katherine did so much, because she was also the one boxing up the piles afterwards too.  The thrift stores since have received their donations, items have been thrown away, there are 2 large boxes to take to Katherine's at a later date, and some to be packaged up and mail to other family members. 

I certainly am grateful for all the giving to our family - to me especially - from friends, Craig, and Katherine.  It has made my recovery and healing so much better, easier, and quicker I believe.

Keep taking those steps forward

February 4, 2014 - World Cancer Day

My first post-op was today. When I left this morning I realized it was the first, initially thinking it was the only.

Since I am still on lazy day restrictions, meaning no driving, etc. I requested a ride.  Donna Buntin took me to my appointment.  Donna and I have been friends for a few years, at first we were just visiting teaching partners but I can say it has developed to a friendship.  The appointment was for 10:30 in San Marcos, my not wanting to be late had us leaving at 9:30.  Donna's early arrival everywhere had us leaving at 9:20 thus we arrived about 10:05. 

On the drive Donna asked me if I was awake during my surgery or saw my tumor.  She said she would have wanted to know what was going on and would have said, "just a minute let me put my glasses on so I can see that tumor better."  We definitely differ here, I was happy to be asleep the whole time and not know.  I know being aware would have made it worse, I would have tensed up like I do at intense movies.  It was good I slept through it.

We settled into the waiting room and I mentioned to Donna the design of the room for the calming effect, she noticed the music and said they are even playing hymns.  Donna is a musician, more than that she has the gift of music.  "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" was playing.  It was peaceful, it was true.

I was a bit nervous going to this appointment for two reasons; my staples were being removed and I envisioned a little pain and what if the 2nd more thorough biopsy said something different from the first.   But I told myself, everyone says it is just a little tug and the doctor would have called.

I was called back, weighed, and blood pressure taken plus a discussion how they couldn't find me at one point since I told them my name is Ellen and the hospital Karma Ellen because of all the legal stuff.  But noted I am Ellen just like the nurse is Suly (part of her name, I don't know what her first name is) and Dr. Ghosh goes by Sue instead of Sutapa the name her mother gave her. I settle in the room waiting for Dr. Ghosh, Suly asked if we needed to do staple removal and I said yes, so the medical supplies were set out.

Dr. Ghosh came in, she comes and goes quickly but she is complete and makes sure her patient is okay, really okay. A review of my tumor and surgery, it went well and it was benign, benign, benign as she put it. Benign on all tests, but she said I knew it was benign when I took it out so the results did not surprise me.  She asked me how I was feeling and wanted to know if I needed any additional medicine or any concerns.  Nope, I haven't had to take pain medicine for a week now - I know that is a blessing.  You rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10 and I don't think I ever let it get pass a 4.  Mostly of the time it is 0 as of late, occasionally like after a walk or being "active" (that is all relative -meaning a step above sitting all day) I am a little sore and around a 2, sometimes I am a 1 but that is more from irritation than anything. 

Then I lay down and exposed my lower belly and she precedes to remove the staples, all 18 of them.  I feel the tug and pull and a bit of a pinch because some of those staples were thinking they were going to become part of me.  It did not take very long, she kept me mostly distracted talking about if I needed anything and not to hesitate to use the medicine that is needed. Finally she was on the last one.  I was glad to have that part over.  Next the reminder that I am still on restriction; no driving, no strenuous activity, no lifting anything over 10 pounds (sorry Pippin you still can't be in my arms), etc. Also the care of my site, continue to shower as normal but just let the soap and water wash over it and pat dry as before.  Everything looks good and come see me again in 4 weeks for a more thorough exam.  Oh yeah, it makes sense now I will need another appointment, I am not finished with Dr. Ghosh yet, not yet but I am planning on it being only 1 more time I really think about her other than in gratitude.

I see my scar is straight now, it had looked wavy.  It looks like a bad stitching job that had to be unpicked with the little staple holes along side it.  I believe those will disappear but not the 3 inch incision, I know I also easily scar.  I had been getting used to my staples and my clothes rubbing them, now I feel each piece of fabric against the incision and holes, I am back to wearing looser fitting pajama bottoms today, maybe tomorrow too.  No walk for me today either just sitting around to lessen the times the fabric rubs.  But if all I have to complain about is a little irritation that is nothing, truly nothing.

I turn my paperwork in for the doctor's portion of disability and list my date of returning to work March 5, 2014 the day after my next appointment - I am planning on the all clear sign.

I think all of us have been affected one way or another by cancer.  Think about it and how you can help wipe out cancer, even if it is turning your facebook profile picture purple. 

Love ya

A slight detour or side path

Did I tell you in the midst of my concern for an ovarian tumor I received a phone call from the imaging lab about my mammogram?

January 2014

I was invited back in because they said they just didn't get a good enough reading.  The receptionist who called me could hear the panic in my voice as she spoke to me.  She said don't worry, if it was something to worry about your doctor would be the one making this call not me.  But to calm my heart she gave me the very next available appointment which was that afternoon. I took it.

My thoughts/prayer went something like this "Dear God, no, I don't need this, I have enough with the tumor, I don't need to worry about breast cancer on top of this. Dear God, please let it be nothing, please, please, please."

At my appointment, I was welcomed back in by the same person who did my first reading.  She mentioned something about them (who is them? - my doctor, the radiologist?) wanted a clearer view on my right breast.  This time it was a simpler mammogram, there was something specific that needed to be viewed/xrayed.

A few days later I received another call from the same imaging lab letting me know I needed another step.  There was calcifications found in my right breast, calcium deposits - microcalcifications to be exact (but I am not sure I heard that).  I needed a breast biopsy.  Their labs will do this but only the one in Encinitas had the equipment and radiologist to do it.  She set me up with an appointment, the next one available - the Wednesday before my surgery.

Probably moments after I took the first call my doctor was calling me talking to me and letting me know the same information - trying to be as informative and caring through all this that she could. Any questions for me she asked; again I had no idea what to ask, where to begin.  I caught her up on my visit with Dr. Ghosh and surgery was scheduled and that I had a appointment for the biopsy too.

After work I came home and started a new research into calcium deposits of the breast.  Macrocalcifications are coarse calcium deposits found often in aging breasts tissues and about 50% of women over 50 have them, most are benign and don't require a biopsy. Microcalcifications are small - like the size of a grain of salt or smaller.  Because of their shape and arrangement, radiologist request biopsies.  This was me.

I don't remember what I said to Craig the first time just something about well to add on top of things I need a breast biopsy.  I took a little time to tell the kids, no phone call right away just when the next time I was talking to them.  I tried to act/sound as nonchalant about this as possible, told them that it was a common thing in women over 50 and the doctor just wants to check it out.  But the prayers I asked for; more prayers please from the kids. (ha ha, I just realized my children might not want me to call them kids - they are 29 and 25- not really kids anymore) I figured I had plenty of other prayers coming my way with the tumor that I didn't need to ask friends or family for this one too.  You know I figured that the one covered it all.

It was suggested by the lab that I might want someone to come with me, sometimes they give a sedative to relax the patient and if so I would need someone to drive me home.  I asked Shelby and we cleared the work schedule that Willy could handle everything on his own.

Then I called Janet.  Janet has had breast cancer TWICE.  She is amazing.  She just talked me through the whole thing.  Is it painful?  What do they do?  Did you take the sedative?  How did you feel afterwards?  etc.,etc, etc. Janet said I could call her anytime.  Having someone to turn to and is willing to share and talk and answer questions is a calming factor.  I know talking to Delynn about my surgery and recovery was so helpful and calming.  In both cases, the reassures and answers prepare you for the best and the worst.

The day before the biopsy the radiologic technician called and talked/walked me through the whole procedure too. I asked her why people take the sedative and she said to calm them, some people also need it because they are laying face and stomach down for a long time.   Face down/stomach down, what do they do? lift you up like a car getting its oil changed and they are the mechanic working underneath you? And by the way the answer is yes.  At least where my biopsy was done. Yes, kind of like an oil change. I asked for how long, the whole procedure is about 5 to 20 minutes depending on the pathologist reading and such.  Such being how long it takes to get the sample.  But you are there for longer, the other stuff.  I decided not to take the sedative, I thought I could be calm enough.

The other thing I asked her was directions. I had goggled mapped the directions and the one complaint about the whole place was  the directions and what building it was in.  The imaging lab was in a set of buildings and which one of the buildings was it? right side of the street, red brick, large A on the front, north building, sliding glass front doors, first door on the left.

Shelby picked me up around 9:15, my appointment was at 10:30.  We gave ourselves a good hour to get there, you never know about drive time especially in the morning with work traffic.  We enjoyed talking about whatever and everything.  Along El Camino Real, we passed several food locations and I said, let me take you to lunch after this is all over.  We chose Chipotle Mexican Grill, Shelby had never been there before. We both loved it by the way - but I did feel a little self-conscious with my ice pack in my bra to ease the soreness and bruising of the biopsy.

We found it, quite easily - the A really stuck out.  In the door and checking in.  They had my previous insurance information, luckily I had already verified that my new insurance is accepted here and my new insurance lists the imaging lab as a preferred provider too.  Insurance, I am thankful for it, thankful I don't have to worry about previous conditions, thankful it will cover a good chunk of all my costs.  Each place I have gone they want money upfront. since when did you have to pay before it is fed through the insurance system.  I will meet my deductible and out of pocket in no time.  

A wait and then the call back with the technician, she showed me my current mammogram and my previous one and the changes.  She showed me the specks that were the microcalcifications and how they were a few clusters of them.  That was the concern, that they had changed and were now clustering.  There was an explanation again of how the biopsy would be, Dr. Cooper - my radiologist - came in and explained it all again.  Thorough they are. EVERY step of the procedure was stated beforehand too, no surprises about what is happening or what that prick or puff was. 

They had to take 2 samples. First they numb you and then at some point send a very small needle with a tube attached to the site where the ultrasound showed (they do another ultrasound to be sure of the exact location). Remove by vacuum the sample, run it to the lab, and x-ray it.  The first sample had no calcium deposits in it. None, zip, nada - where were those little buggers.  Another ultrasound to confirm the location, they were in the right place the first time but the deposits were not there.  A decision made, perhaps the buggers are closer to the skin level than thought, a second prick and second extraction. Run to the lab and I at this point am praying that they find what they need for the biopsy because my neck is really getting sore.

(I am being very direct and open in this next paragraph so you may choose to skip it - I don't mind)

You see I have been laying on my stomach for about 20 minutes now, with my breast hanging down through a hole, and my face turned to the left looking at a wall - a pretty wall - but a wall none the less.  There was a pillow for my left arm to give it support, my right arm is laying straight against my body, and my head and neck have no support but just turned at a 90 degree angle to the left.  

A pretty, quick return (answered prayers) with the statement, well there was one.  Quick decision that it was enough but wonderment why they are not getting more.  The uncomfortableness is finished, Dr. Cooper leaves, and the technician cleans me up. (how I wish I could remember her name because she really was super nice). 

Another mammogram is done, this time it is cool because they take the pictures like sliced bread and then thread it together.  I know that makes no sense.  They show me what they are looking at.  I see the current deposits, mostly just under the skin(?) and a few sprinkles scattered.  Dr. Cooper said, if this would have been what we were looking at initially I never would have felt the need for a biopsy but as you can see this (the clusters) are what we were looking at. Why the change, perhaps the numbing medicine blew them apart and scattered them?  perhaps, who knows. 

I know - prayers.  The thought is probably benign, but they will call me.  I got the call on Monday, the day of my surgery.  THOSE BUGGERS WERE BENIGN TOO!  Yup - PRAYERS.