I have been reading a book called "The Anthropology of Turquoise" by Ellen Meloy. She writes calm and artistically, descriptive, detailed. Sometimes what I read influences how I write. She noted that dates; birth dates, baptismal dates, death dates don't give you the insight into someone's life. You might know when and where; put you don't know what or why or even how.
Monday, January 20, 2014 -Craig and I awoke and prepared for the day; I showered and shaved my legs who knows how soon I would feel capable and up to that again, especially the shaving of the legs.
That morning on the way to the hospital I received texts of love from
Anthony, Aimee, Katherine, and I believe Sabrina and Cherie too. Thank
you for the love that was sent to give me comfort and remind me.
We arrived at Loma Linda University Medical Center just before 7:30 and went to our first docket. Craig described it a little like Disneyland, the different points in the waiting line so you don't feel like you are waiting too long. We had 3 staging stations before surgery; check in, pre-op waiting room, and pre-op preparation room. Each had its purpose: check -in to verify you are who you say you are (I mean someone else might show up to have your surgery for you), there we meet husband and wife who were waiting for her double mastectomy, bravely too. From there, the pre-op waiting room, enough space here for multiple people possibly up to 100, we saw at least 5 other groups preparing and waiting. Always when I check in somewhere my name catches people - Karma - my first name and yes it really is my first name. (karma - the belief where intent and actions you do in your life influence the individual future of that life, which is pretty accurate). We saw our second husband and wife team - although I have no idea what her surgery was it appeared a positive outcome because she became the racer through the halls on my second day there (she was determined to get home to her babies as quickly as possible, fully knowing the walking was part of her healing). Here the chaplain came and had prayer with us- a prayer of belief in God, His Son, and the influence of His Spirit, although our beliefs in this Godhead are different our beliefs in His divine help are similar to know it is needed and wanted. A short enough stay here than on to the 3 area - the actually staging spot for surgery.
In the pre-op preparation room it is again verified who you are and why you are here to clarify that you understand and accept the surgery that is planned for you. I was giving a throwaway hospital gown with its own built in heater (you have a little vacuum type hose hooked up that blows warm to cold air in, adjusted by you as you need), all my personal belongings where stored in a bag and my wedding ring was given to Craig to care for. We kept my glasses with me until the end when I was wheeled away. The nurse warmed my hand with a wet hot cloth to make the veins easier to work with for the IV - three times the charm. She finally realized that my veins were small because of the flushing out yesterday. The second poke really hurt and even my anesthesiologist grimaced with that one. Dr. Lee was my anesthesiologist, he told me the sedation plan - a spinal tap - but I had the choice of more where I would be aware of what was happening a little or I could be completely asleep. I informed him I had no desire to know anything that happened during my surgery, to please put me completely asleep. Dr. Ghosh came in and spoke to both Craig and I and wanted to make sure we were still on the same page. She said she would let Craig know everything right after the surgery. Craig stayed with me until the nurse wheeled me off to surgery. From there he went to the 2nd waiting area where Cecil, our friend, stayed with him until after my surgery. Cecil just came to be Craig's companion without invitation, he just came.
I tried to remember the hallway and the ride to the operating room, it was a basic hospital hallway and I kept wondering which room we would turn into. I remember seeing Dr. Ghosh in my room at a table preparing operating instruments. The nurse and Dr. Lee helped me slide myself onto the operating table, one hand gripping each side so I could feel the edges and position myself in the middle. Then Dr. Lee asked me to sit up and curl over and he would administer the spinal tap..... My next memory is in the recovery room with Craig. It was 9 am when I was wheeled to the operating room and I believe the clock said 12:15 in the recovery room when I was aware enough. I don't know how long Craig had been there waiting for me. Groggy is a good description. At what point he told me the outcome I don't even remember.
Craig said Dr. Ghosh came to him at about 1 hour after I was taken into surgery, she described the tumor 14 cm by 9 cm by 4 cm and it came out clean. It was attached to 1 of my ovaries. Everything came out well and it went well. The pathologist's report on the tumor - BENIGN!
That is all we really need to know - BENIGN! - I know I was healed. I know I was given the gift of being healed. I don't know why I was given this gift as others are not but I will always know I was given this gift, this blessing. I know how - through faith, prayers from you and family, my prayers and faith and pleading. (Sunday night- I did not know the outcome of my surgery but it was revealed to me that it wasn't time for me to be with my mom and dad just yet). I know I was given the gift of healing through priesthood blessings and from my Healer, Jesus Christ. I will never deny that, it was a gift from Him.
Craig called family, I spoke to them but when they asked me a couple of days later they knew I did not remember. Craig texted friends. We rejoice together and gave thanks. My eyes would not focus and Craig said they bounced around in my head, it took a couple of days for my eyes to really focus properly.
At some point they sent Craig to wait for me in my room and I was taken there. The elevator ride made me sick and I threw up in my shoe bag after the nurse hurriedly got my shoes out. At some point I lost it again from the medicine. I faded in and out of sleep, Craig bared with me and stayed until about 9 that night. Saline and pain medicine flowed into my veins. I slept a lot, I was given liquids to digest. I was cold, I was hot. I had a cather so I could lie still and I not sure I would have been aware of my needs anyway. My thoughts went to I can be there when Aimee's baby comes, I can go to Europe this spring, and I have lots to do and be grateful for.
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