I was listening to Les Mis yesterdy afternoon while I was driving around and heard this song, I thought the title fit at least.
Boy do I feel loved; thank you for your good words, notes, prayers, and positive vibes. It really is wonderful. It is nice to see how loved I am but I don't recommend this as a way to discover it for you.
It has been an interesting few days leading up to my surgery.
Friday was my PreOp at the hospital. It was good to drive there and map out the way (pretty direct and easy) and plan how much time is needed. Although we will be going in morning traffic it is a holiday so probably not as many people will be on the roads as normal. I drove up to Loma Linda University Medical Center and was greeted by a statue of Jesus Christ welcoming children and animals alike. I had not realized my hospital was under the organization of Seventh Day Adventist. But I do now. Seeing the statue of my Savior was a pleasant and comforting feeling because He has been with me all along. I wasn't sure what to expect at my PreOp but I knew there would be paperwork to sign, hopefully I didn't sign away my first born or something like that. Then I had my vitals taken; blood pressure, weight, height, and medical history recorded. My nurse, Jowli, said I lived a boring life - no surgeries, no alcohol, not even coffee. I like my boring healthy life. After all that I got to pee into a cup (one of the test done on all women under 55 is a pregnancy test- crazy), blood work was done probably the most painful part of the whole day - the needle was like pushing on my vein, an EKG - I was not expecting that, and xrays. Craig reminded me that they wanted to know the marker to set for what is normal with me to match doing surgery. Then they sent me on my way. The good thing about taking care of all that on Friday is now I can go in an hour later Monday morning; 7:30 instead of 6:45. I like that idea.
I went to work for a 3 whole hours. It was weird thinking that I would not be working for 6 weeks. There were a lot of thoughts like that, another was that I would not be driving my car again for 6 weeks so no need to fill her up with gas. Craig will need to take her out every once in a while to keep her happy and alive. Willy and Shelby gave me hugs and sent me off with good thoughts. Willy said he would come visit me when I feel up to it and bring me a hot chocolate; lately he has been getting me one from 7/11 with a boost of hazelnut. Shelby is ready to jump in and help me anytime I might need her too. I work at the best place.
That night Craig and I went to WalMart and purchased a few items that might be needed over the next few weeks. One of them was RaisinBran, suggested by my friend and preparation adviser Delynn Heid, just to have on hand as needed. In addition,a few favorite foods to eat before and after as wanted, Twizzlers, tortillas, and hummus.
Saturday, was busy putting the home in order. I wanted to start with a clean house; so I dusted and vacuumed. The house may not be cleaned again for 6 weeks but that is not too unusual, it doesn't get cleaned that often anymore anyway. Laundry and ironing were done. Does that seem weird? I just wanted to not have to think about all that I will feel like I should be doing but can't. We even did a little yard work. That is part of the strangeness of this. I will be off work for 6 weeks and I can think of a huge list that I would want to accomplish if it was for other reasons but I won't be doing those things. I have been compiling my list of what I think I will be able to do, such as blogging, family history, reading, photo albums, and the such. The only heads up I have is that sleeping is healing, getting up and moving is healing, and to take the full 6 weeks.
One of my friends said to do things you love on this day. I did. I spent as much as possible with Craig, I went to Stake Conference - read a little about that in the next paragraph, I went to In and Out and had a delicious cheeseburger with fries and a strawberry shake, and we drove to Carlsbad and watch and listened to the waves come in and out. And I fell asleep in Craig's arms, what can be better than that.
Pres. Ballif at stake conference introduced it by asking us to open our heart to what the Lord wants us to learn and hear; to think of a question that will be answered for us. I couldn't think of a specific question all that comes to my mind now more often than not is my health, but I didn't think anyone would be talking about MY health. Two themes I pulled out though about our Savior, He is the Deliverer and He is the Healer. Both were talking about from sin, but for me it was from illness, sickness, and for health. I know He heals and delivers from those too.
Sunday, I awoke with a fear and concern. Surgery scares me, the biopsy results don't scare me, the pain and recovery after doesn't but surgery and anesthetics scare me. I don't want the oxygen mask (it makes me claustrophobic), I don't want to get nauseous from it (my brother and daughter did), and I don't want to die in surgery. Craig said they are a lot more things that can kill you. Logically I know that and I know thousands of people have surgery every day but I was scared. Than about 12:30 this afternoon I had a break through, I have been trusting God all along and have felt his comfort that all will be well no matter how long or short this path is, if all is going to be well then I am not going to die in surgery.
I am on a liquid diet all day today. WHEN you can't eat anything, everything looks good, it is always on you mind too. When I look at the tangerines and bananas I have to remind myself I can't eat them right now. I can have Jello (as long as it is not red or purple) who knew Jello would taste so delicious. You also do a bowel cleansing - luckily not as intense as preparation for a colonoscopy, but you stay home. (TMI - perhaps, but part of my writing is to remember everything for me, to record my thoughts, and to be informative for others if needed or wanted)
I recently heard a short snippet about Lisa Bonchek Adams (she is dying from stage IV breast cancer) who blogs about her own journey, there are those who don't think she should be giving all this information and details. I haven't read her blogs but I admire her, I am doing something similar in my own little way and I feel it is important for me to do. Maybe she shares too much, maybe there are those who don't want to hear but for me right now I am taking this approach, if you don't want to know, don't read. She is writing for her own therapy and family and I am doing the same.
I packed a bag with what I thought I might need or use at the hospital - reading material, glass case, clothes to wear home, toothbrush, socks. I don't remember what I put in a bag for the hospital when I had my babies, I suppose the most important things was clothes to wear home and my toothbrush. I have my Kindle too, there is free internet there, but I don't know what I will feel like doing. Craig will be calling my sister, our kids, and his mom after the surgery and we are settled. They will be our informants.
Craig along with our family home teacher, Bro. Sandstrom, gave me a priesthood blessing tonight. I know the words Craig shared were what I wanted to hear, what he wanted to say but I also know it was what he was suppose to say. They were good words. I trusted Craig to say only the things that Heavenly Father wanted him to say.
Tomorrow when I wake up (hopefully I can sleep well enough) I will be heading to the hospital and going in for surgery at 8:45. There are 2 hours set aside for what might be needed in my surgery. After I wake up Craig and I will receive a report of the surgery, the biopsy, and everything. Honestly, I won't be surprised if it is all good, even better than expected but I won't be surprised if it is just the start of a longer unknown path. I have discovered I am not on this path alone, not even the slightest bit.
Love you, truly love you.
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