another step

Next Saturday evening I intend to go out to dinner and eat a favorite meal because on Sunday it is going to be all washed out of my system and I will be on a liquid diet for 24 hours then on to nothing from midnight on. I haven't decided if that means Trupanios here in Fallbrook or In n' Out in Oceanside.  They are on 2 different ends of the meal spectrum but favorites non the less.

Since we last spoke I discovered I am not perfect - ha ha ha.  Today a bit of anxiety set in, right after dinner I was just sitting there feeling tired and recognizing I felt tired because I felt anxious.  I awoke around 5 this morning and my brain would not shut off with the thoughts of what I need to do, what is going to happen, wondering about the outcome, ... for the next 2 hours and until I finally popped myself out of bed. 

Though I had had experiences to give me comfort.  Saturday night, Craig and I went to the temple.  The temple can and is a place of peace, refuge, learning, and revelation.  One thing that happens everyday in our temples is a prayer, specifically for those who need comfort, healing, and peace.  The prayer is asking that the faith of those that day at the temple is on behalf of those whose names are on prayer rolls.  I knew my name was on the prayer roll that day, I had been told by friends they wrote my name on it.  It was an enlightening feeling knowing that those that day were exercising their faith for me even though they don't know what I need exactly or even my name but that the prayer is given for real people with real challenges and concerns which I am one of.

During the church meeting today we sang this song "O God, Our Help in Ages Past".  We rarely sing this song; it says: "Sufficient is thine arm alone"  and "O God, our help in ages past, our hope for years to come."  Remembering how my Heavenly Father knows me, I can not say this song was chosen by chance, there is just no way. 

But I am human and I let the perfectly normal feelings of anxiety/apprehension creep in.  I still don't know the answers.  Craig said, he is in the business to know the outcome.  This is his job but we can't know the outcome, predict it, or even change it.  But we hope to be as secure as possible in the answer of "not yet."